It was the middle of April when I decided to visit London. The first thing I did was to purchase a guidebook. Looking through the gudebook, I imagined how fun I would be in London, and started to pick up where to visit.
However, the problem arose. When I checked the travel agency web sites that listed several package tours, they were all sold out!! By all my knowlege at that time, I thought the general way to go for a one-week travel was applying for package tours served by travel companies. Does this mean that there's no way to go abroad?, I wondered.
Then I kept searching on various web sites, and found out that purchasing an airline ticket was still available and hotels were as well. Instead of a package tour, I booked flights to London(in fact via Beijing to London) and a hotel respectively, resulting in a typical style of my overseas trip.
Besides, when I was in London, the Royal Albert Hall was one of sightseeing spots where many concerts are held. It was just looking from the outside, but I was very impressed because "24 Night", the live album performed here by Eric Clapton, was recorded at this very place. After I went back to the hotel, I found that if I had a ticket for the venue, I could take part in the concert such as Eric Clapton or David Gilmour! As a result, this dream came true, but I'd like to share this anecdote some time later.
(22min,1374words)
＜日本語訳＞by Google Translation
ロンドンに行くことを決めたのは4月中旬。まずはガイドブックの購入。ガイドブックを眺めながら、ロンドンの楽しさを想像しながら、どこに行くか選び始めた。
ところが、問題発生。いくつかのパッケージツアーが掲載されている旅行会社のウェブサイトをチェックすると、すべて売り切れ!! 当時の私の知識では、1週間の旅行は旅行会社のパッケージツアーに申し込むのが一般的だと思っていた。それって、海外に行く方法はないということ？と思った。
その後、さまざまなウェブサイトを検索し続けたところ、航空券の購入とホテルの購入はまだ可能であることがわかった。パッケージツアーの代わりに、ロンドン行きのフライト（実際には北京経由ロンドン）とホテルをそれぞれ予約するという、私の海外旅行の典型的なスタイルが生まれた。
また、ロンドン滞在中は、ロイヤルアルバートホールが多くのコンサートが行われる観光スポットの1つだった。外から眺めるだけでしたが、エリック・クラプトンのライブアルバム「24 Night」がまさにこの場所で録音されたということで、とても感動しました。ホテルに戻ってから、この会場のチケットを持っていれば、エリック・クラプトンやデヴィッド・ギルモアなどのコンサートに参加できることがわかりました！ 結果的にこの夢が叶ったのですが、このエピソードはまた後日お話ししたいと思います。
＊ChatGTPによる添削
-
「how fun I would be in London」
- 誤り: "how fun I would be in London"
- 修正: "how much fun I would have in London"
- 理由: "fun"は「楽しい時間」の意味で、"I would be"ではなく、"I would have"が適切。
-
「pick up where to visit」
- 誤り: "pick up where to visit"
- 修正: "decide where to visit" または "choose the places to visit"
- 理由: "pick up" は物を拾う意味が強く、ここでは「訪れる場所を決める」という意味に適した表現が必要。
-
「problem arose」
- 誤り: "problem arose"
- 修正: "a problem arose"
- 理由: "problem"は可算名詞なので、"a"が必要。
-
「travel agency web sites」
- 誤り: "travel agency web sites"
- 修正: "travel agency websites" または "websites of travel agencies"
- 理由: "websites" は一つの単語として扱われる。
-
「applying for package tours served by travel companies」
- 誤り: "applying for package tours served by travel companies"
- 修正: "booking package tours offered by travel companies"
- 理由: "apply"は「申し込む」意味が強く、ここでは"book"が適切。"served by"よりも"offered by"が自然。
-
「Does this mean that there's no way to go abroad?」
- 誤り: "Does this mean that there's no way to go abroad?"
- 修正: "Does this mean there's no way to go abroad?"
- 理由: "that"を省略しても意味は通じるが、省略しない場合も正しい。
-
「purchasing an airline ticket was still available」
- 誤り: "purchasing an airline ticket was still available"
- 修正: "airline tickets were still available"
- 理由: "purchasing"は行動を表すため、「利用可能」なのは"tickets"。
-
「the Royal Albert Hall was one of sightseeing spots where many concerts are held」
- 誤り: "one of sightseeing spots where many concerts are held"
- 修正: "one of the sightseeing spots where many concerts are held"
- 理由: "one of the"の後には必ず複数形と定冠詞が必要。
-
「It was just looking from the outside」
- 誤り: "It was just looking from the outside"
- 修正: "I just looked at it from the outside"
- 理由: "It"ではなく主語が"I"であり、"looking"の代わりに"looked"が適切。
-
「if I had a ticket for the venue, I could take part in the concert」
- 誤り: "if I had a ticket for the venue, I could take part in the concert"
- 修正: "if I had had a ticket for the venue, I could have attended the concert"
- 理由: 仮定法過去完了の形が必要。"take part in"よりも"attend"が適切。
＊ChatGTPによる模範解答
It was in the middle of April when I decided to visit London. The first thing I did was to purchase a guidebook. As I looked through the guidebook, I imagined how much fun I would have in London and started to decide on the places I wanted to visit.
However, a problem arose. When I checked the websites of several travel agencies that listed package tours, they were all sold out! With all the knowledge I had at the time, I thought that the usual way to go on a one-week trip was to book package tours offered by travel companies. Does this mean there's no way to go abroad? I wondered.
Then I kept searching on various websites and found that airline tickets were still available, as well as hotel accommodations. Instead of a package tour, I booked flights to London (in fact, via Beijing) and a hotel separately, resulting in a typical style of my overseas trips.
While I was in London, one of the sightseeing spots I visited was the Royal Albert Hall, where many concerts are held. I only looked at it from the outside, but I was very impressed because "24 Nights," the live album performed by Eric Clapton, was recorded there. After returning to the hotel, I discovered that if I had had a ticket for the venue, I could have attended a concert by someone like Eric Clapton or David Gilmour! Although this dream did eventually come true, I would like to share that story some other time.
＊所感
本日の指摘数は見た目上は10個であった。感触としては昨日とそう変わらない感じか。
日記なので仕方ないが、どうしても主語が「I」から始まりがち。英検のエッセイや面接を踏まえると、より客観的な事実を述べるために無生物主語の多用が必要である。そろそろスタイルを変えるか、そもそもとしてスピーチ原稿を書きだすかをしないといけないかな、と感じた。
