I think I'm not extravert. I like being alone, reading a book, listening to music and so on. These activities don't need someone else.
Therefore I don't have so many friends. Some fellows, however, are exceptional. The members of the Japanese Archery Club in the university era are long time friends.
I'm lucky enough to have friends that reach over two teams. One is from my own university, and the other is from another university. I built a firm friendship with the latter members when we were on the 4th grade. We would get together and have a drink with a legitimat reasons. It was just 20 years ago when the Olympics was held somewhere in the summer 2004.
After we started working, we would meet almost once a year. Also, I was invited to the friends' wedding celebrations. Our relationship is quite uniqe.
As a friend of them will come to his hometown, we decided to get together here in Kobe. You may feel that recently I've had more opportunies to drink. It's true, but this is one of my favorite moments thogh having few friends.
(20min,1024words)
＜日本語訳＞by Google translation
私は外向的ではないと思います。一人でいること、本を読むこと、音楽を聴くことなどが好きです。これらの活動には誰かは必要ありません。
そのため、私はそれほど多くの友人がいません。しかし、例外的な人もいます。大学時代の弓道部のメンバーは長年の友人です。
私は幸運にも、2チームを超える友人がいます。1人は同じ大学の友人で、もう1人は他の大学の友人です。後者のメンバーとは4年生のときに固い友情を築きました。私たちは正当な理由で集まってお酒を飲みました。ちょうど20年前の2004年の夏にオリンピックがどこかで開催されました。
就職してからは、ほぼ年に1回会うようになりました。また、友人の結婚式にも招待されました。私たちの関係はかなりユニークです。
彼らの友人が故郷に来るので、ここ神戸で集まることにしました。最近はお酒を飲む機会が増えたと感じるかもしれません。それは本当ですが、友達が少ない中でも、これは私のお気に入りの瞬間の一つです。
＊ChatGTPによる添削
-
"I'm not extrovert" -> "I'm not an extrovert"
- 冠詞「an」が必要です。
-
"reading a book, listening to music and so on" -> "reading books, listening to music, and so on"
- 複数形の方が自然です。また、「and」の前にカンマを追加します。
-
"These activities don't need someone else." -> "These activities don't require someone else."
- 「require」の方がより適切な語彙です。
-
"Therefore I don't have so many friends." -> "Therefore, I don't have many friends."
- 「so」は不要です。また、「Therefore」の後にカンマが必要です。
-
"Some fellows, however, are exceptional." -> "However, some fellows are exceptions."
- 「exceptional」は「例外的」という意味で、「exceptions」は「例外」という名詞です。「However」を文頭に移動します。
-
"The members of the Japanese Archery Club in the university era are long time friends." -> "The members of the Japanese Archery Club from my university days are long-time friends."
- 「in the university era」よりも「from my university days」の方が自然です。また、「long time friends」より「long-time friends」の方が正しい表現です。
-
"that reach over two teams" -> "in two groups"
- 「teams」よりも「groups」の方が自然です。
-
"the latter members" -> "the latter group"
- 「group」の方が自然です。
-
"when we were on the 4th grade" -> "when we were in our fourth year"
- 「in the fourth grade」は小学校の4年生の意味ですが、ここでは大学の4年生を指していますので、「in our fourth year」が適切です。
-
"legitimate reasons" -> "for legitimate reasons"
- 前置詞「for」が必要です。
-
"It was just 20 years ago when the Olympics was held somewhere in the summer 2004." -> "It was just 20 years ago, during the summer of 2004, when the Olympics were held somewhere."
- 「during the summer of 2004」の方がより明確な表現です。また、「Olympics were」が正しいです。
-
"to the friends' wedding celebrations" -> "to friends' wedding celebrations"
- 「the」は不要です。
-
"As a friend of them will come to his hometown" -> "As one of my friends is coming to his hometown"
- 「a friend of them」より「one of my friends」の方が自然です。また、「will come」より「is coming」の方が適切です。
-
"I've had more opportunities to drink" -> "I've had more opportunities to drink lately"
- 「recently」より「lately」の方が自然です。
-
"It's true, but this is one of my favorite moments though having few friends." -> "It's true, but this is one of my favorite moments, despite having few friends."
- 「though having few friends」より「despite having few friends」の方が自然です。
＊ChatGTPによる模範解答
I think I'm not an extrovert. I like being alone, reading books, listening to music, and so on. These activities don't require someone else.
Therefore, I don't have many friends. However, some fellows are exceptions. The members of the Japanese Archery Club from my university days are long-time friends.
I'm lucky enough to have friends in two groups. One is from my own university, and the other is from another university. I built a firm friendship with the latter group when we were in our fourth year. We would get together and have a drink for legitimate reasons. It was just 20 years ago, during the summer of 2004, when the Olympics were held somewhere.
After we started working, we would meet almost once a year. Also, I was invited to friends' wedding celebrations. Our relationship is quite unique.
As one of my friends is coming to his hometown, we decided to get together here in Kobe. You may feel that recently I've had more opportunities to drink. It's true, but this is one of my favorite moments, despite having few friends.
＊所感
またもやミスが15個まで増えた。冠詞のつけ忘れから不自然な表現までラインナップは充実している。
が、ミスが充実したところでどうにもならない。前向きに捉えれば伸びしろは多いと言えるかもしれないが、とにかく大量に失敗し、大量に修正していくしかないだろう。
